Comparisons

Today was a day I distinctly remember talking about years ago. Many say I have a good memory, and I do, but it's to remember those random things that aren't really important. Yet this day was.

I remember Conor and I laying in bed, drained, lacking sleep and just down right over babies. We were new parents to two baby boys born a year apart, and if it wasn't a diaper change or a bottle to grab it was always something else to be done.

I remember laying in bed one morning and hearing the boy's crying from their cribs, and Conor turned to me saying "I can't wait till the boy's can wake up and make their own breakfast". 

Today, that day came.

Today, I heard Kaleb call me saying "Mom? Can I get some help here?" And as I walked downstairs I found every ingredient and supply needed to make his cereal, all he needed help with was the pouring. And within seconds that conversation Conor and I had nearly 4 years ago came to mind. How it seemed like forever then but now looking back it seemed like just yesterday, I was making their bottles and changing diapers.

May is quickly coming and as most of you know, May is the month both my babies were born only one year and 6 days apart. And well, as May rapidly comes, I'm taking some time to treasure my boys now before they turn one year older.

As I watch them sleep, play, talk, eat I only get tearful and realize this is all going far to fast.

 

Easter 2009 compared to 2012

 Sleeping only without binkies these days, yet, still cuddled side by side. They are loving brudders.

J was only weeks old in this picture and K had just turned one year old.

The first picture was December 2008 the second picture was Jan 2012.

Where has the time gone?

 I've kinda always known since we found out J was a boy that they would be the very best of friends, and they are.

And, at times K uses his older brother knowledge and size to be the "big brother" but he's always, ok most of the time looking out for his little brother.

April 2009 compared to April 2012.

I'm sure I can find a ton more pics to compare then to now. And to be honest with you I'd probably go through 10 boxes of tissues doing so. 

I can reminisce however, and I do miss those days to an extent. 

I don't miss the weight I gained right after having two babies, I don't miss the lack of sleep, nor the endless diapers and diaper bags, I don't miss the cost of formula or the chore of buckling and unbuckling them into car-seats. 

I miss them being small enough to cuddle and want to cuddle. I miss their baby smells. These day's they smell like a number of things both good and not so good. I miss dressing them in the most adorable outfits, these day's it's a chore to get them to wear what I request.

Yet, despite the things I miss I wouldn't change a thing that has happened in the past 5 years. Yes, I'm a single momma now and life isn't at all what I had hoped for, it's in fact better. I don't have a husband and the boy's lack in having a more involved father. But somehow, I think that was all according to God's plan. For if in fact their dad was around I know they wouldn't know God as they do today. They wouldn't know the scriptures they know now, they wouldn't pray as they do today, nor would we go to church as we did tonight and have hilarious bible story conversations. I wouldn't hear J singing praise songs, and K wouldn't have invited a neighbor to church as he did today. 

So as I sit here, missing the past and pondering on where the time has gone, I rest in the peace and the faith that My God knows each minute of the past five years, and according to Him all has paned out as He willed.

I rest in that.

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, say's the Lord, thoughts of peace and not evil, to give you a future and a hope"

Jeremiah 29:11